A woman asked Reddit if she had gone too far by telling her stepfather to stay in the shadows at her wedding.
A Difficult Start in Life
Vanessa had a difficult upbringing.
Her mother got pregnant relatively young, and her biological father wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy, leaving soon after.
Her mother had no other family, no significant other, not a lot of savings, and was in dire straights.
Gay Friend Steps In to Help
Seeing the stress it was putting on her, her mom’s gay best friend did the honorable thing and stepped up to the plate.
He told her he would be the father she didn’t have and after that they never looked back.
A Solid Family
He doted on his pregnant friend, was there for the birth, listed on the birth certificate as her father, and helped provide for both of them.
They were never an item (for obvious reasons), but Vanessa says their pairing just worked perfectly.
A Wonderful Father
He’s been a wonderful father to her – she sometimes cries, thinking about how lucky she and her mom were to have someone that did so much willingly for them, with so much thought for her.
A Hands-On Dad
Her dad was involved in everything – changing diapers, waking up with her in the middle of the night, caring for her when she was sick, and, perhaps most importantly, as a parent, he made sacrifices for her.
She thinks of him as her dad and loves him like a father.
Her Dad Provided Everything She Needed
Her dad paid the hospital bill from her birth, started her college fund, helped his best friend provide for herself and Vanessa, and ensured they were cared for.
Mom Meets Someone
When she was seven, her mom met her now husband.
Earlier in the relationship, when her mom and stepdad began to get serious, he started to have issues with Vanessa’s dad.
Although they had split custody between her mom and her dad, her stepdad began to take issue with this.
He also took issue with all the help his wife’s best friend had provided to them.
Small Remarks at First
It started small enough: he’d tell people that Vanessa’s dad was “my wife’s friend” and not her father.
If anyone wrongly assumed he was her dad, he wouldn’t correct them.
Stepdad Starts Making Demands
But then it began progressing.
She’d always spend Fathers’ Day with her dad, but her stepdad began asking her to spend it with him instead – with a tone of “he’s not your dad, but I could be.”
Mom Injured in a Car Accident
Then when she was nine, her mom was in a car accident.
Her stepdad chose this time to argue that Vanessa should be staying with him while his wife was in the hospital instead of her dad.
Disagreements About Custody
Her dad, however, was listed on the birth certificate and had legal rights to her and shared custody.
He wouldn’t let Vanessa go.
This action hurt her dad’s relationship with her mom and made her see him as someone that was trying to interfere where he didn’t belong.
Stuck In the Middle
She loved (and still loves) her dad, and there was no need for her stepdad to try and push out her dad when her mom was lying critically ill in the hospital.
Vanessa says her teens were rough, and her stepdad was constantly at loggerheads with her dad.
Turning Up Out of the Blue
But the final blow in her and her stepdad’s relationship came when her stepdad turned up at a father/daughter event for father’s day that she hadn’t invited him to.
She was there with her dad, but her stepdad attempted to get him to leave.
A “Normal Family”
He told him that because he was not married to her mom, nor was he her biological dad, he should step aside so she could have a “normal” family.
He made it clear to Vanessa that he wanted to be “the dad,” and the ONLY dad.
He didn’t want her dad in the picture and wanted her to himself.
Vanessa’s Getting Married
Now she’s getting married and invited her mom and stepdad to the event.
His Dad Walking Down the Aisle
But that’s all that she’s offered her stepdad – an invite. He gets to be a guest while her dad, who he dislikes, walks her down the aisle.
Stepdad Reacts With Fury
Her stepdad is furious about this.
He objected to just being a guest, offering to pay (which she rejected).
A Cut-Throat Response
He told her that he felt like he was in the shadows of her wedding, and it wasn’t fair, but she replied that he had “earned his place in the shadows.”
She told him she didn’t feel he was even important enough to invite and that she had done it as a courtesy for her mom and nothing else.
He called her an ungrateful brat and said she shouldn’t be so rude to him.
She knows what she said was cold, but because he had spent years trying to force her dad out of the picture without any care for her wellbeing as a child, she doesn’t have any love for him.
In particular, she singles out that he tried to start a custody battle while her mom was critically ill, saying that it’s hard “to have affection for the man who wants to take the most important person in your life away from you.”
However, she couldn’t think about the situation objectively, so she wanted to ask Reddit whether she’d been out of line.
Who Was in the Wrong?
Reddit, however, overwhelmingly agreed with her. The top comment explained their consensus: “He wanted you to be his daughter but tried to get that by removing your dad instead of treating you like a daughter and letting the relationship develop.
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The post Bride Wants Gay ‘Dad’ to Walk Her Down the Aisle, Instead of the Stepdad She Doesn’t Love – The Fallout Is Immense! first appeared on Wealthy Living.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / PeopleImages.com – Yuri A. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.
This post is based on Reddit but the names have been changed.